Between the Shadow and the Soul
by MinaBR
Summary: Desperate need, the overwhelming darkness of an unclaimed soul. Sterile love, born into the barren depths of a flighty heart. The shadow of a promise barely made, but eagerly accepted devastating whatever humanity is left within.
1. Chapter 1

_Bella_

The absence of depth behind his seemingly thoughtful words was keenly felt, but never voiced. Instead, the one engulfed by shadows chose to remain silent, uttering laconic responses only when the dictates of good manners demanded. For what seemed an eternity, she impassively listened about stolen kisses and caresses, the wonder of finding what was lost and moving on. Her replacement was uncomplicated light and she cursed the brightness of the sun shining above, reminding her of the warmth she'd always lacked and would forever crave.

For some unfathomable reason he'd chosen to cut deep, twisting the knife by loving someone she'd always suspected meant more than a friend. There was no dignity in jealousy, the last shreds of her composure threatening to unravel leaving her bare, raw and exposed. Roaring in indignation her inner beast threatened to surface clawing, biting, screaming accusations that no longer merited a response. However, the burden of being true was too much for the meek little being she'd learned to be, thus she patiently bore the pain of rejection.

And so he raved about his new life, the one he'd built without her. Perversely, she wondered if had she made her feelings known would he have cared? Had he cared would it have changed the outcome? Had the outcome changed would it have mattered? For she still was the same person and wasn't that the fundamental flaw which would ultimately destroy them every time? Because he had felt for her, of that she was sure. Was it truly gone? Or was it still burning high though masked by hurt? Whimsical hope burgeoning in the desert of her heart almost had her believing he had intended to goad a reaction out of her.

The romantic within soared undeterred for a moment of blissful optimism. However, beaten into submission by years of starvation it soon quieted down. Glimpsing her reflection on the window she was unkindly reminded that there were no happy endings for her kind. Forever trapped and bound to repeat the same mistakes, the part of herself that still dared to dream faded away, back to the corner of her soul that could still be hurt. Barely responsive, she nodded when appropriate and mumbled felicitations with all the enthusiasm she could muster.

Soon the lulls in conversation became longer until the deafening lack of sound led to the dreaded farewell. Her once blossoming heart withered under the weight of the inevitable truth. That was the end. Not the one she'd envisioned, planned and forced upon him, but the irrevocable final point in a story she no longer controlled. Quiet acceptance met shattering despair rendering her helpless against the onslaught of familiar torment thundering inside her too still body. For a second, she turned her eyes to the sky praying for a God she didn't believe in for an answer she already had, but refused to embrace.

No matter what her intentions had been, he wasn't available to her anymore. She'd come to him bursting with love, ready for a new beginning. Fate had other plans. The lingering peck to his cheek could be deemed slightly inappropriate, but she decided to allow herself one minute of weakness, for she would have to face a lifetime of being strong. Emotions tightly leashed, she waved him away promising to keep in touch.

The finality of her goodbye would go unnoticed to him for a long time to come, perhaps even forever. With forced grace and feigned normalcy her feet performed their duty and soon she was far away. So far … yet not far enough.


	2. Chapter 2

_Edward_

And so it was. Years of longing translated into an embrace so tight not even the biting cold could break apart, so true not even the wheels of fate could defy. The thundering of her heart echoed inside his chest, creating the illusion of owning one of his own. Her blushing skin radiated warmth and life, making him crave to posses the ability to express his feelings as clearly as she did. Trembling and afraid, he wondered if such violent feelings were meant to last. Wary of the answer, he pushed away the doubts and got lost in the moment.

His stiff fingers, the same ones that so many times had touched the screen of a computer, dreaming of touching the woman on the other side, finally dared to entwine through her dark locks. The shared sigh of contentment that followed almost had him chuckling, however the moment was too loaded with emotion for him to be able to express one as prosaic as amusement. Eyes closing, lips parting, she abandoned herself to his shy caress, her face a perfect picture of love and trust.

Bursting with memories of unfulfilled needs, he felt the prickle of tears that would never fall. Uttering a silent prayer, he thanked the absurdity of reading the article which led him to her. One day the oddity of living a second life had been trampled by the need for human connection, thus he'd suppressed the inner voice which had whispered the foolishness of his unspoken hopes and dreams. Pulling through piles of pretty pixels devoid of true selves, he'd managed to find her. Years of alienation had come to an abrupt end due to the unlikely meeting of a kindred soul.

In that immaterial world, they'd built a home, a family, a bridge to real life. Darkness had turned into light, the bright promise of a future blinded his unchanging eyes to the unavoidable pain that lay ahead. Surrendering to inevitability, he'd embraced the irrationality of loving one out of his arms reach. Protected by physical distance, his weathered heart had opened up for the first time and in it he'd welcomed a wide array of unknown feelings. Against all odds, he'd allowed his true self to show–he'd finally given himself permission to be loved and give love in return.

Years had passed before they'd flirted with the idea of seeing each other in person. Her optimism had been the fuel to ignite a sparkle of defiance within his chest. Contradicting the restrictions he'd always abided by, he'd freed himself from the constraints keeping them apart. It'd taken him years to overcome all that stood between them, but while he had his arms wrapped around his beloved, Edward knew she was worth the effort. And she would always be.

As her head tilted back, the cadence of her breathing changed. Ravaged by the urge to press his untried lips against hers, he hesitated for a moment before instinct took over. The sweetness of before was replaced by an overwhelming sense of urgency, leading him to aggressively plunder and take as much as he could while offering his whole self to the willing woman who desired nothing more than what he offered.

Eventually they parted, their lungs fighting for air. In the seconds that followed, Edward felt the weight of years of loneliness being lifted from his shoulders. A foreign movement took hold of his facial muscles and, before he knew it, Edward was smiling while lost in the depths of her alluring brown eyes, elated thoughts swirling in his mind.

She was love.

She was there.

She was his.

His forever.

 _Bella._


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** This chapter mentions acts of violence. Nothing too descriptive, but it may trigger some people

* * *

 _Bella_

One foot after the other. The continuous movement seemed alien to her dazed brain, creating the illusion that her anxious body had a will of its own, thus absolving herself from actually making a decision. Dissociating from the pain, she kept navigating the intricate urban geography, aimlessly seeking for some relief. Unbeknown to Bella, her inner struggle hadn't gone unnoticed by the passersby. Even though some thought about approaching her with a word of comfort, human nature prevailed and they went on their way. For hours she walked until she'd left the limits of what could be considered a safe environment. Had she been her normal self, she would never have strayed into that part of town. The dilapidated buildings and the abandoned streets were merely the prelude of the evil hiding within. The very air thrummed with danger, seductive and obscure, luring Bella with the promise of forgetting.

So, she denied her instincts any voice and wandered into the night, deceived by her own hope. Looking around, it was impossible not to notice that there was an indelible sense of beauty emerging from the ravaged neighborhood she had accidently violated. Everything seemed to be falling apart, old and dirty, stripped from artifice, forced to reveal their essence. Feeling an inexplicable sense of kinship with the place, she roamed around, looking for something she could not name. Disconcertingly, the very air seemed unmoving, as if the loneliness within was replicated by the environment. However, the appearance of decaying stillness was betrayed by the life roaring inside the buildings ruined by the inexorable passing of time. No eyes crossed hers, the elusive nature of the inhabitants a warning she should have heeded.

On the fringes of awareness something fought to be acknowledged, but the first snow of the season started to fall, diverting Bella's attention, making her lips curve into a genuine smile. Winter had always been her favorite season, the snow one of her few toys. She saw it as a sign, a blessing, a gift. Instead of seeking shelter, she chose to welcome the coldness seeping through her fine clothes, into her delicate bones. The sophisticated coiffure she once had gracefully worn was coming apart granting her an air of defiant shabbiness. The mud caking her expensive shoes had her walking in obvious discomfort, her steps slow and hesitant. Despite all of that, it was impossible to deny how out of place Bella was as she stood in the middle of a broken playground that had been overtaken by the undisputable force of nature.

 _Exactly like me._

The thought came unbidden, making her feel bare and vulnerable to the onslaught of emotion threatening to break through her façade of serenity. Wrecked by sobs she doubled over in agonized pain, shutting her eyes as she fought for control. Self-pity and self-loathing, an inseparable mix poisoning her soul, clouding the stubborn prickle of awareness that refused to fade away. Selfishly the heart commanded all of her, leaving no room for the conscious mind to protect her body from what was to come.

From the shadows they emerged, undefined beings of humanoid form cautiously approaching the misplaced woman who cried silent tears. Stealthily stalking their prey, their movements were measured and their intent was clear. Bella didn't need her vision to know what was to come, but she resolved to be brave. Gazing into the eyes of evil, she didn't flinch or tried to get away, Bella merely surrendered to fate. As her pristine white clothes got sullied by the filthy ground, her flesh bruised and mauled, all she could think about was her would be savior.

But the night forgives no one.


	4. Chapter 4

_Edward_

As the season changed from winter to spring, Edward tightly clung to the vain hope of eternal bliss by making silence his weapon and distance his preferred strategy. Constricted by rules as ancient as time he refrained from seeking the comfort of Bella's closeness-dread an evil weed sinking its claws into his recently found happiness. Despite his best attempts at assuaging the growing pain of rejection Bella unsuccessfully tried to mask, deep inside Edward knew he was failing her miserably. The vibrant easiness they'd previously shared was systematically replaced by the angst of unspoken words and unexpressed feelings.

He was trapped in a state of perpetual blindness, refusing to acknowledge the imminent demise of their relationship. Instead of addressing the worries she had been expressing, he chose to smile lightly and whisper sweet nothings. That pattern remained unchanged until the day he saw the resolve in her eyes, the stiffness of her spine, the defeat in the curve of her lips. Edward knew without a shadow of a doubt that the time to be brave had finally arrived. So, he halted her words and took her to a place of untarnished beauty where he could memorize her face for all eternity.

Framed by the blossoming wilderness of early spring they lay side by side, their eyes locked in a dance of need and hesitancy, of love and hurt, as they fought the impulse to shorten the distance between their hands. As still as a marble statue, he dared not breathe, for even the tiniest action could unlock a series of events resulting in the annihilation of all he held dear. For the longest time she'd held his gaze, until her eyes became bright with tears and she stood as Edward unsuccessfully tried to stop her from leaving.

Try as he might to hold on to an illusion, Edward knew he no longer could lie to himself. It was the time to let her go… to a better man, a real future. Balling his hands, he punched the ground, his pain too great for him to utter the curses running through his mind, silent sobs wrecking his body. Hands hurting from the violence of his actions, he looked in disgust at them… dirty hands capable of despicable deeds. Hands unfit to hold the personification of love. Yes, it was time to go back to the reality of his so called life.

Cold.

Lonely.

Hopeless.

A world without her.

His whole being rebelled against the notion of giving up on the love they shared. A visceral grunt of possessive need reverberated through his insides, his body prompted into action before any rational thought was completely formed. His hands, the same ones he despised, reached for her, his fingers tightening around her wrist, making her turn and meet his eyes. Pleading and beseeching, her eyes begged for answers he'd never been willing to give. For his part, Edward tried to convey the magnitude of the sacrifice he was about to make.

Peeling away the layers of deceit, the ugliness of his soul came to light. Viciously spewing the well kept secrets of his transgressions, he relished the freedom of unleashing his whole self before someone else. In the perverse depths of the monster within, he felt an unwanted sense of satisfaction in the certainty that she would be hurt by the truth. Meanwhile, the part of him which had remained inexorable human tittered between the egotistical desire for acceptance and the altruistic wish to keep his beloved safe. Ashamed of himself, Edward fell to his knees, begging for forgiveness that was not Bella's to bestow. Gazing at the ground he patiently waited as she processed all the information he'd given her. Expecting and almost hoping for her departure, he was amazed by the gentle touch of her hand against his cheek.

" _I love you, Edward."_

" _I accept all of you."_

And he came undone.


	5. Chapter 5

_Bella_

The unwavering arms carrying her away from the unforeseen hell she'd endured held a strange similarity with the ones she obsessively craved. Eyes tightly shut, Bella was unable to question the motives of her unknown hero, too overwhelmed by the sense of protection emanating from the careful way she was being handled. Despite the obvious intent to spare her from further discomfort, the pain was unavoidable. The brutality of her attackers had her insides burning from the repeated invasions while her skin throbbed with the imprint of their fists. But the true damage lay in her shattered soul, for she felt irrevocably corrupted by the putridity that had been forced upon her. Around her everything seemed to be on a compass of wait, almost as if the whole world was holding its breath, waiting for something to pass before it could come to life again.

The wail of a wounded beast, loud and strident, cut through the stillness of the night. The pain it conveyed too great to go unnoticed, even by the broken human lost in self-loathing thoughts. Trying to articulate a question, Bella found out she could not use her voice. To her horror and shame, Bella realized she was the perpetrator of the horrible sound. Unable to stop, she writhed against the one holding her, using her fists against the unflappable chest that offered no response. Miserable and out of control, Bella felt a cold hand caressing the back of her neck, the touch surprisingly soothing and unthreatening, lulling her to a state of relaxed despair and silent misery.

Consciousness faded into dreams, and soon Bella was transported back to a sunny day spent on a meadow with a man of unearthly beauty. As if trying to see through a frosted glass, she could only discern shadows and murmurs, isolated words that barely made sense. Try as she might, Bella could not make sense of the memory. However, she still remembered with crystal clarity the underlying feeling of being deceived by omission. The frustration of half truths, the angst of denied trust and the disappointment of incomplete love pilling up within her breast, the inner turmoil greater than the promise she'd made. Some impalpable revelation teasingly insinuated its contours, but furtively eluded Bella's comprehension. Tired and afraid of the answer, she shied away from concentrating on that memory, choosing to let herself fall deeper into the well of oblivion.

A long time later, she woke up to a barely lit room, insufficiently warmed by a decrepit fireplace. It took her a minute to recall what had brought her to those unfamiliar surroundings, but when memory returned it was like a vengeance, cutting deep into her psyche, torturing the carcass of what had formerly been a woman-the extent of the torment she'd endured much greater than she'd previously realized. Hope, acceptance, defiance, anguish, anticipation, melancholy-the hurt of losing a life that had barely been experienced cutting deep into her soul, making what she believed to be her last moments on earth an intolerable burden.

That's when she noticed someone standing on a corner. Protected by the cloak of darkness, the person's features could not be discerned by Bella's weary eyes. Fighting to focus, she blinked repeatedly, trying to make sense of the creature slowly moving towards her, as if it was emulating something that wasn't natural to it. When the figure reached Bella's side, it bent down and knelt, cocking its head contemplatively, seeming to study her. Trapped by the oddness of the eyes intensely holding her captive, Bella was unable to discern the gender of her companion. However, that was irrelevant at that moment, for a sense of familiarity washed over Bella leaving her paralyzed. For some unfathomable reason, her protector made her think of Edward.


	6. Chapter 6

_Edward_

The surreal bliss of her gift of love left Edward speechless. In his arms, a lady of poise and beauty, a perfect picture of a lost world. From hairdo to mannerisms, Bella perfectly emulated a woman he could have met in the life he'd been denied. The thought of all he'd lost no longer burdened his soul with misery, for having lived before would have meant not being with her. Pushing the unwanted reveries to the back of his mind, Edward surrendered to the fallacy of reliving an era long gone. Smiling unabashedly, he swirled Bella around the old fashioned ballroom as the soothing breeze of the ocean kissed his skin. Lulled by the background music, the soundtrack of his youth, he gazed into her eyes as his lips whispered the words his heart had been screaming since the barrier of his secrets had fallen to the ground.

For one of his kind those words didn't come easily, for they spoke of a stretch of time shielded by the mist of eternity. Unwavering faith in the purity of their connection guided his meticulously articulated speech, rehearsed to exhaustion before the bathroom mirror. Anxiety had Edward taking unnecessary breaths as if air was fundamental to him, shaking as if blood pounded in his veins, stuttering as if his brain was limited by emotions, fidgeting as if he were the teenager he portrayed–the useless actions, reminiscences of the man he'd once been. At that pivotal moment in which he pledged his devotion to Bella Edward felt closer to humanity than he'd ever been. Gone were the days when he'd believed himself soulless, for the evil could not experience an emotion as immaculate as love, much less being loved in return.

Reassured by that mantra, Edward patted his pocket, shaping his fingers around the little box containing the materialization of all he'd been struggling to convey. The delicate ring within, an orderly composition of fluorite, opal, ruby, emerald, variscite, enstatite and rhodolite, imparting the most important promise he had ever made. Brimming with pride at his clever plan, he met her eyes, impatiently waiting for her reaction. He'd been sure of the outcome, but to Edward's everlasting surprise there was a great amount of confusion marring Bella's features. Cold with dread, bewildered by her reaction, he quickly went through every single detail of their night so far. It didn't take him long to realize that in his haste he'd managed to overlook one of the most overused cliché of all times. It seemed so mundane, but perhaps there was some merit in a ritual performed throughout history. Falling to his knees, Edward presented Bella with a ring and a question.

A long stretch of silence followed, making his heart constrict in dread. Chocking with fear, he turned his eyes away, restlessly waiting for the incoming heartbreak. Somber musings filled his mind, leading his heart to the numbness of rejection. Violent impulses threatened to overtake him, shredding the hard earned control over his true nature. Leashed only by the flimsy hope of her acceptance he waited, the foreboding sense of loss luring him to the darkest corners of his soul. Concomitantly assaulted by all the stages of grief, he suffered the pain of a lifetime in the stretch of a few scant minutes. When he'd come to accept his fate, he opened his eyes and met Bella's. Crying openly, she leaned in for a kiss. Edward believed she hadn't been able to find the words to accept his proposal and felt everything was right in the world after all.

Little did he know that would be the first time she'd break his heart.

* * *

 **AN:** Bella's ring is an example of acrostic jewelry–using the first letter of each gemstone to deliver a secret message. So, her ring spelled _forever._


	7. Chapter 7

_Bella_

The lilting voice of a female as seductive as the perfume of lilies caressed Bella's ears with an infernal offer. As the gelid hand upon her forehead carefully removed the strands of hair plastered to her skin, Bella wondered if her ears were malfunctioning. Before she could say anything, the golden eyes that had been holding her captive turned away. Freed from the irresistible gaze, only then was Bella capable of studying her rescuer. As fascinating as the forbidden fruit, the woman before Bella was an inextricable amalgam of devastating beauty and enticing darkness. Still as a statue, she waited as Bella processed the truth she'd been denied. Fragments of memories ran through Bella's mind, bits and pieces falling into place in order to present a horrifying picture.

The dam of denial had been broken, the violence of the unwanted discovery making her abused body thrash against the unforgiving ground. The betrayal of being fed half truths gutted her soul, eroding the very foundation upon which her own sense of self was built. However, Bella also found freedom in the knowledge of the extent of Edward's perversity. The day he'd confessed to being a killer, he'd justified it by claiming to have done it out of hunger, but he'd cruelly withheld the final piece of the puzzle, the one that would truly reveal himself to her. Little naïve fool that she was, Bella had been quick to disregard all the other things that seemed off with him, from the coldness of his skin to his unwillingness to consummate their relationship. Bitterness seeped in as she sarcastically mused that he most likely tended to avoid screwing his food, even though he seemed fond of playing with it.

At that thought Bella was jolted out of the dungeon of her inner turmoil, back into the direness of her current situation. Unable to escape her captor, Bella concluded that her fate had been sealed. Resentment had her laughing maniacally, grasping her sides as if deeply amused, completely disregarding her injuries. In that state of hopeless agony she lay, oblivious to the curiosity she'd awakened within the other woman. Only when laughter turned to tears, did Bella found the courage to confront the one she believed would end her life. A great amount of effort was needed to turn her head and articulate the only question that truly mattered.

Surprised by Bella's boldness, the nightmarishly ethereal creature laughed, shaking her head at the absurdity of the girl's challenging tone. Had she wanted a meal, she would have drained the girl long ago. Besides, she didn't consume human blood, couldn't the girl tell that from the color of her eyes? Had she learned nothing from living with that vampire for so long? Understanding dawned and she felt even sorrier for the ignorant fool she'd rescued. Being crushed by the weight of a man's deceit had been her own downfall, so she felt a great amount of sympathy for Bella, even more than before. Sighing in regret, she gazed into the night futilely searching for a way to soften the harsh reality of Bella's future. Finding no answer, she braced herself for what was to come.

"No, child, you are not going to be my next meal. I value human life unlike the other vampires I've met. The reason why I brought you here has to do with choice. Your human life is coming to an end. No doctor can save you. I can't save you. I am offering you the choice I never had. As I already said, you can either embrace your destiny and die or you can doom your soul and get revenge."

The answer shouldn't have been so obvious, but Bella surprised herself by the steeliness of her resolve.


	8. Chapter 8

_Edward_

The future that had shinned so bright with the promise of forever was shattered into a thousand pieces by a whispered refusal. Her steady lips betrayed no underlying motive for the answer she gave, despite the tears in her eyes. Hurt beyond belief, a cacophony of feelings raged inside Edward, but instead of being thrown into motion he remained rooted to the spot as he watched her departing figure. Ears roaring with silent sorrow his brain went through many different scenarios, frantically searching for a word, a promise, an action that would keep her by his side. However, not even the brilliancy of an enhanced mind could come to his rescue, for logical reasoning was beyond Edward. Feeling the distance growing between them, Edward could no longer afford to make plans.

Overwhelmed by the pain of loss he abandoned all pretenses of humanity and chased after Bella at the speed of light, materializing before her as if out of thin air. Giving her no opportunity to question his sudden appearance, Edward opened his mouth and poured his heart out. A haze of despair descended turning his otherwise impeccable speech into garbled words unable to move a resolute heart. Unyielding and brave she stood, resisting Edward's clumsy attempts to reclaim her. Ravaged by the futility of his efforts Edward moved out of her way. Even though something raw and savage screamed at him from the inside, urging him to take all her choices away he allowed her to go. Unable to watch her abandoning, he focused on his hands cursing their strength, disgusted the brutality of the skin that would never again hold something as decent as she'd been.

 _What if I wanted to break?_

The thought, a sinister reminder of darker times, once again taunted Edward with the hope of non-existence. The oblivion of death had been his obsession since the day he'd awakened to a new life. However, he was bound to roam around the planet until some unknown force of nature or men decided otherwise. Turned and abandoned shortly after, Edward hadn't been taught much by his maker. The only other one of his kind he'd encountered … even in his crushed state Edward shied away from those memories, incapable of dealing with the aftermath of yet another failed love affair. Shaking his head, Edward denied the veracity of that last affirmation. Despite all that had happened, he would never lower Bella to the casualness of a mere relationship, for he would forever be hers, even if she chose to not be his anymore.

Edward felt that the death of an epic love story called for proper morning, so he went to the only place on Earth that still held any meaning to him. The moon illuminated the carpet of fallen leaves covering the ground, the clearing where he'd found love and acceptance vibrating with life that stubbornly fought to survive–a stark contrast to the drabness of his soul. Surrounded by nature he sat, closing his eyes, shutting out the world outside–a metaphoric death of his own making. Sweet memories became his drug, denial the cornerstone of his new reality. In the prison of his reveries, Edward found the freedom to be happy again even if only by living in the shadow of what was lost to him. Sheltered by isolation, the unmoving man remained oblivious to the passing of time. From falling snow to rainstorms, nothing seemed able to rip him away from the oneiric existence he'd chosen.

And so Edward remained hanging from a dream for many seasons, until the day he opened his eyes and walked away.


	9. Chapter 9

_Bella_

Bella closed her eyes as the kiss of icy lips sealed her fate, putting a definite end to her human life. Little was said about what the whole process would entail, so Bella was unprepared for the onslaught of icy flames burning her veins, opening her perception to deeper levels of despair. The very fabric of reality unraveled while Bella writhed on the ground consumed by the inevitable misery of transformation–the eerie beauty of a mind fighting to protect itself. Ghosts from the past paid her visit, offering vague comfort, taunting with memories she could no longer grasp. Meaning was lost, people forgotten as the fog of impending death descended. Only one image was spared, for Bella tightly clang to the feeling it evoked. It became her lifeline, her one reason to endure what was happening to her.

Time stretched ahead endless and transient, the dichotomy lacerating her soul with the pain of uncertainty. Deprived from the measure of a human life, she felt barefoot and yet constricted by notions that no longer applied. Tormented by the compulsive need to count the raindrops falling on the roof, she resented the deafening noise of heels clicking on the pavement outside. Other sounds thundered in her ears, driving her mad with the urgency for silence. Feeling troubled and isolated, Bella tried to call for her companion–despite dreading the answers, she needed to ask some questions. However, her throat felt dry and inert, as if an invisible fist were tightened around her vocal chords. The weight of isolation heavily sat on her despondent chest, making her eyes burn with the need to cry. Throughout her life Bella had been defined by the ability to feel, the delicacy of her emotions often reducing her to tears. When relief of spent emotion refused to come, Bella felt as if she had ceased to exist.

Fiercely struggling to connect with the reality existing outside of the inferno she was currently enduring, Bella sank her fingers into the ground. The once hard surface easily crumbled under the strength of her fingers pleasing some unknown beast that joyfully roared inside. Despite the sudden surge of power, her feeble human body was still stubbornly fighting the unwanted invader, prolonging the agony of bearing two distinct natures within herself. Clawing at her skin, she tried to forcefully open her flesh so that she could pour out some of exhausting energy raging inside. Restrained by hands that should have been invincible, she was amazed to find out that she could fight them, if not as an equal at least as someone who stood a slight chance of winning. An eerie sound, beautiful and frightening, angry and domineering escaped her lips and Bella realized she had finally found her voice.

However, Bella's rebellion was not meant to last, for as the final stages of the change approached the pain in her overactive heart engulfed her whole being–the final beatings of an organ rendered useless by her new condition. When it finally stopped and her transition was complete, Bella stiffened her spine and remained unmoving. Confused and fearful, her brain struggled to piece together shreds of information that somehow seemed imperative to whatever came next. Frustration followed, for linear thinking seemed impossible and a thousand unrelated conclusions intruded. Bored with the effort to comprehend something she already forgot, Bella felt brave enough to ignore the voice of caution screaming in the back of her mind. Opening her eyes, Bella realized that she was blind to her surroundings, oblivious to her feelings, uncaring of anything but the ruthless need to feed.

 _What have I become?_


	10. Chapter 10

_Edward_

The way her back arched yearning for the touch of his hand was pure poetry. The carnality of her sigh fed his lust, his worshipping hands unable to refrain from cupping her breast. Closing his eyes he was lost in sensation while she observed him, basking in the glow of satisfied female vanity. Pushing the flimsy fabric of her nightie aside, he touched her nipple with the tip of his tongue while holding her gaze, the brilliancy of her smile more of a reward than her pebbled flesh. Threading her fingers through his hair, she brought him closer, enticingly inviting him to take her deeper inside his mouth. Answering her plea, he wrapped his lips around her chest, sucking until both of them were panting in unspent desire.

Instead of surrendering to his baser needs, he sought her mouth, kissing her deeply while tenderly freeing her of clothes. Soon his lips found their way to her neck, sucking the skin as if to mark her, the tips of his fingers eliciting goosebumps while they traced a linear pattern up and down her arms. Sliding between her breasts, his tongue carefully avoided the hard tips, preferring to concentrate its efforts on her navel, circling round and round, before finding its path to more delicious places. Using the pads of his fingers to open her lower lips, he smelled her, obviously proud of the effect his touch had on his beloved. Craving the taste of her femininity, he teasingly collected her wetness while caressing the hidden recesses of her sex. Latching to her clit, he used his fingers to penetrate her, the gripping walls fighting the invasion as much as they were enjoying it.

She was a mess of unbridled hunger, writhing and begging, thrusting her hips towards him, begging to be taken, to be fully penetrated. Tempted beyond endurance, he crumbled. Pushing her legs apart, he entered her slowly as he whispered delightful naughty words in her ear. Her flushed face betrayed all the lust coursing through her veins, turning the otherwise unassuming woman into a siren bent on luring her man to the sweetest of sins. Their joining became more passionate, the flames of sensuality simmering between their sweaty bodies, an artful sculpture of the torturous urgency of physical love. Wildly seeking satisfaction they seemed bent on consuming each other until there was only one where used to be two. When fulfillment came, they were thrown into a dazzling spiral of pleasure, crying incomprehensible prayers, the intensity of the moment fogging the windows with the testament of their connection.

From the outside Edward watched, venom blurring his vision while his hand held his engorged flesh. Troubled and disgusted by the dissent between body and soul, he was a prisoner of his baser instincts. At the same time his mind was assaulted by all the lewd scenarios that might have happened had he not spared her from the iniquity of his touch. More than that, his heart was filled with the hurtful notion that maybe she would have accepted him had he been more mindful of her needs. As the lovers found completion, rapture engulfed Edward as well. However, unlike them, he could not smile, instead he sobbed in misery, the combination of two opposite emotions too intense and devastating for Edward to control his reaction.

Crushed by betrayal, Edward had to conquer the impulse to burst into the room and break the lovers apart. Years stood between the day she had abandoned him and the moment he invaded her privacy, but the heart cannot be told how to feel. Clinging to the last shred of sanity he still possessed, Edward left.

Humiliated.

Bitter.

That was the second time Bella broke Edward's heart, but it wouldn't be last.


	11. Chapter 11

_Bella_

Distracted by the translucent specks of dust floating in the air, Bella was startled by the approach of a threat. Immediately her eyes darted around, her brain franticly working on tracing an escape route. Finding none, she started to feel agitated, something primal and angry overtaking her rational mind. A menacing snarl bubbled to the surface, the strangeness of its powerful message scaring even the emitter. Without making a conscious decision, her body fell into a gracious crouch, all curves and danger, a darkly alluring image of danger. Sharpened nails ready to rip open the throat of whoever dared to step into her domain, the lust for violence making her tremble with desire.

The intruder stood very still, patiently waiting for Bella to rein in her instincts. When recognition came, she was faced with the almost impossible task of controlling her survival instincts. The conflict between what was known and what was felt took a tool on Bella, making her wish for the sweet oblivion of sleep once again. At that thought, her eyes filled with venom and she was once again reminded of all that she'd lost. Frustration had her sinking her nails into her palms, trying to smother the urge to destroy something. The multitude of feelings tormenting her was compounded by the unrelenting voices of a thousand people talking about mundane things–the gift of enhanced hearing more of a curse than a blessing for someone who'd never been too fond of humanity.

Stupidly, she tried to block the voices by covering her ears. Cowering into a corner she started to rock back and forth, seeking to comfort herself. Curiously, the motion seemed to provide her with some measure of comfort, for she no longer felt troubled by the voices, the stranger or even the smell of a delicious meal–only the burning fire of her parched throat still tormenting her. A cup filled with a stale liquid was put before her, the concoction meant to assuage her torment. Looking at the poor substitute for the richness she craved, Bella picked the glass up and forced herself to drink. Everything within rebelled against the notion of drink blood that came from a slaughterhouse.

Despite the recalcitrant newborn within, Bella was glad for not having to kill in order to survive. A vegetarian in life, the very idea of slaying a sentient being in order to feed was abhorrent to Bella, even if it was an animal. So, she chose to live off the remains of the human's prey, just like her creator did. Enticed by the smell of heaven, she'd been tempted to run and sink her teeth into some delectable neck. So far she'd always been able to stop herself. It wasn't an easy path, especially when her insides ached and madness threatened, but she valiantly defied her nature in order to preserve at least some part of herself. Besides, it was a great exercise in control and she would need it for what was to come.

Gorging in cow's blood, she unleashed the darkest fantasies of her soul. It was a mechanism she'd developed in order to endure the deprivation and avoid the ridiculousness of gagging when she couldn't really empty her stomach. The sound of glass breaking brought her back to reality. Gazing at her hand, she felt laughter overtaking–for a second she'd feared the shards had made her bleed. Absurdly entertained by the patterns the blood drops left on her clothes, Bella was unaware of the intent perusal the other woman gave her. When her mentor spoke, Bella was filled with wild anticipation.

 _I think it's time you go outside._


	12. Chapter 12

**AN:** Hello, everyone. Just to remind you that we have two timelines in this story and they have not yet crossed. Edward is telling us about his relationship with Bella until the point where Bella's narrative starts. Bella's refers to the present, Edward's to the past. This will become more clear when the intersection comes.

It won't be long. Trust me.

* * *

 _Edward_

Need overcame pride and Edward struggled to find a way back into Bella's life. Putting aside jealousy and the feeling of ownership hadn't been easy, for he was deeply attached to the object of his devotion. The urge to win back her affections was present, but deeply buried under the compulsion to be whomever she needed at the moment–a brother, a lover, an acquaintance. Reassured by the selflessness of his intent he sent her a message and waited. So a correspondence started, sometimes casual, sometimes flirty, but never superficial. The connection they shared was still there although neither brought up the possibility of resuming their previous relationship.

Months went by where the measure of Edward's life were the words she texted him. When silence spells came, he tried to distract himself by daydreaming about the day they would meet again. However, there was the matter of his unchanging looks hindering that dream. Try as he might nothing seemed to solve the conundrum of appearing as if the passing to time affected him. Eventually he conceded that there was no way of fooling her. More than that, he wasn't keen on protecting her from himself anymore. The decision to tell her about his real identity came naturally as he accepted how thoughtless and reckless he'd been when he chose to keep her ignorant of the full extent of truth about himself.

It was hard admitting that despite the depth of his feelings he'd been unwilling to really let her in. But that was in the past. When the time came when they met face to face again he'd tell her and everything would be right between then. There would be love, marriage and a lifetime of love. However, when she finally agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee, he'd been unprepared by the wall she'd erected between them. She was charming, warm and friendly, but never gave him any leeway to venture into more personal matters. Gone was her flirtatious tone. Almost as if she didn't love him anymore. They parted amicably, but Edward was left with a bitter taste in his mouth.

Other casual dates followed, all of them fueling the feeling of doubt that had been clouding his days. Strange as it was, he never felt truly rejected by her. In her eyes he caught sporadic glimpses of pleading love. Something in her still reached to him, a spark of intensity they'd shared. There was some unspoken enemy lurking, something keeping them apart and she was unwilling to share the burden with him. It wasn't in his nature to simply give up, so he persisted. When cornered, she simply laughed uneasily and waved his worries away–an unskilled liar trying to disguise her secrets.

One day he grew tired of the little game they'd been playing. He cooked a luscious dinner and invited her over to his place. When she was done eating, he presented her with a book of poetry written by her favorite author. Pulling her to the couch, he cuddled her to his chest as he randomly read some poems. He was aware it was a cheap trick, but he was desperate enough to try anything to break through the barrier between them. Not really paying attention to the verses, he spent the whole time observing Bella's face.

He thought she was crumbling before his attentions, but he'd never been more wrong in his life. She jolted up right, mumbled some obviously fake excuse and left. She didn't bother looking him in the eye or retrieving her gift.

And he thought it was over.

Truly over.


	13. Chapter 13

_Bella_

Revisiting the place she used to call home was Bella's desperate attempt at reconnecting with her former self. Carefully running her fingertips over the smiling faces depicted in the photographs adorning her living room, she wondered if the shift in how she perceived them came from her changing or from the events that preceded it. Shuddering, Bella tried to suppress the most vivid memory she had from her life as a human. Not for the first time she failed to accomplish that, so she was forced to relive the feeling of their rough hands upon her body, their fists breaking her bones as she was intimately violated. Trapped in that memory all she could do was try to remember that it was all in the past and that she was safe now.

When her eyes rested upon a picture of Edward she was wrenched away from hell and into paradise. Love and passion washed over her chasing away the demons threatening her sanity. But heaven was not meant to last, for she soon was plunged into all the doubts that had consumed her throughout their relationship – the ones about him, the ones about herself. She once again was haunted by the pain of breaking it all off in order to work on herself. Amused, Bella realized she never got to tell Edward how hard she'd had to work in therapy in order to feel whole and ready to be with him again. By the time she went to look for him he'd disappeared, so she'd tried to move on.

Laughing mirthlessly at her own pathetic excuse for a relationship, she regretted the moment she'd decided to get involved with Jacob. Despite being good looking and nice enough, he'd lacked depth and their connection had been more carnal than anything. Being honest with herself, she had to own up to the fact that more than once she'd thought of Edward when making love to Jacob. And the only time he'd given her an orgasm was the unusual day when her skin vibrated with peculiar energy and the smell of Edward seemed to linger in the air–almost as if he was close somehow.

The memories and feelings were there, but she felt oddly detached from them … as if she were watching a movie she loved, one that completely captured her heart, but still wasn't about her. The unsettling feeling of being a stranger to herself made Bella lose her temper and throw the mementos of her past life against the wall, breaking, shattering, erasing. Amongst the shards, she found some measure of peace by accepting that human Bella, the one who'd loved, doubted, made an effort to improve only to get her heart broken, was dead. In her place, a hesitant being was born, her personality uncertain except when it came down to getting justice for herself.

Licking her lips, Bella allowed herself to picture how sweet her revenge would be. Some part of her even wanted to taste their blood, but after hearing her creator's own story of revenge, Bella decided to follow into her footsteps. No, she wouldn't taste their blood, but she would make them wish she'd chosen to punish them in such a painless way. The cruelty she would unleash upon them would make even the devil pale and generations would be disgusted by their gruesome deaths. But before she could embrace her darkest side there was still one place she needed to visit. A little bit of sadness crept in, for she'd only been there a couple of times and would never go back there again after this visit.


	14. Chapter 14

_Edward_

Beseeched by the pain of unrequited love he fell into temptation. Seeking her out Edward once again used her body as an outlet for his pain and frustration. The very idea that he'd once thought himself in love with that pathetic creature had him wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. In the past, he'd been convinced that his nonexistent desire to press his lips to hers had been born out of disgust for her breath, but now he knew that it'd been a mechanism to save at least some part of himself for someone he truly cared about. To his shame, he'd attributed his desire to only take her from behind to vampire nature, or maybe just not wanting to gaze into her unnatural golden eyes–nothing to do with the necessity to block his thoughts from acknowledging her feelings.

The nomad who'd once strayed into his hunting ground and never left had been only too happy to accommodate his needs, however he couldn't bear to look at her anymore. Leaving her lair, he walked aimlessly through the city streets hoping to erase the stain he felt upon his soul. Guilt and heartbreak twisted his insides, turning Edward into a bitter, heartless man. There was something ugly brewing inside him, the need to hurt and destroy taking hold of his mind. Spotting a woman who resembled Bella, he lured her into an alley and gorged in her blood. The beast inside rejoiced in the fantasy of destroying its unwanted Master, of proving to her that he was the one in control.

He kept on walking as if nothing had happened, but the experience shook him to the core. In that ravaged frame of mind the last thing he needed was to meet with Bella, but that's exactly what happened. As if materializing out of a nightmare she appeared right before him. Resentment bubbled to the surface and he allowed some of his darker nature to show. He'd taken an enormous amount of pleasure in letting her believe he'd moved on from their love. For that he'd made use of the friend he'd invented in order to keep up the ruse of being human. The back story he'd created for himself had included deceased parents and a best friend, all of their pictures a product of photoshop, their shared history an invention from his literary mind.

Edward knew how jealous Bella had been of his imaginary friend. As soon as he said the name Alice, Bella's face fell and her eyes shone with unshed tears. Knowing that he still had the power to cause her pain spurred him on and he raved about how perfect his new relationship was. Part of him wanted to harm her, but the untainted part of his heart just wanted her to say something, anything to give him hope that they still might work things out. However, the words he needed never came and she actually had the nerve to congratulate him. In that moment he hated her and was glad to see her go.

A couple of hours later he'd calmed down somewhat and overtaken by guilt felt the need to apologize. Sitting before Bella's apartment building he waited for her all night, until the sun came out. Worried, he tried to call her but she didn't answer her cell phone. Dread twisted in his gut and Edward decided to look for her. As time went by and his quest turned unsuccessful, the certainty of disaster tortured his heart. Despondent, he tried his hand at something he'd never been very good at: scenting. To his desperation, her track wasn't very difficult to discern, for her blood had been spilt.

Roaring in outrage he was unprepared for the place where Bella's scent ended.

* * *

How did you guys like EPOV of chapter one? Let me know. **  
**

Timelines almost meeting. Just 2 more chapters and boom!


	15. Chapter 15

_Bella_

The smell of him permeated the very air she breathed. Sitting on his couch she absorbed every single detail of her surroundings–the worn books, the old sound system, the photographs adorning his book shelf. Lingering on the smiling faces of his loved ones, her own absence was keenly felt. Part of her understood that given his new relationship status it was only natural to see no photographs of his ex, but many of his new love. However, her heart ached with the knowledge that not even a vestige of their love had remained. Burning with jealousy, she wondered with he'd been completely honest with Alice, if he'd trusted her. Scoffing, Bella got up and decided to leave. Edward was no longer hers and she would have an eternity to get used to that.

Having said a proper goodbye to her past, Bella concluded that it was time to start the new chapter of her existence. Something in her wanted to postpone what was to come next–maybe there was some decency left in her after all. Giving herself time to think, Bella sat on a bench and observed the life that continued without her–a mother holding a squalling child to her breast, an old couple holding hands, a young woman running late for work. She'd never given much thought to any of those little milestones, but now that they were all barred to her, Bella mourned their loss. Contemplating the choice she'd made, Bella questioned the wisdom of having an eternity to watch the progressing lives of humans while trapped in an unchanging state, forever craving to have what they took for granted.

Forlorn, Bella remained sited until night fell. Old instincts had her wanting to go home or at least seek a safer place. However, she no longer had a home. More than that, now she was the danger lurking in the shadows. Saddened and empowered by that thought, she was reminded of why she'd been plunged into the curious state of existing without actually living. Rage coursed through her body, turning her beautiful face into a mask of death. She no longer was the being plagued by doubts and tortured by memories–she was an avenging angel bent on making justice. But on order to accomplish that, Bella would have to calm down, for she wanted to do it in a memorable way.

Retracing the path she'd taken on that fatidic day, she walked through the city, enjoying the sights and the smells–all she'd ignored due to her heartache. As the landscape started to change from nice to decaying, Bella felt her dead heart twist in her chest and wondered if perhaps she'd unconsciously wished to find her demise. As she stood in the very same spot where she'd been attacked, Bella saw blood stains marring the ground, too small for human eyes to perceive, but crystal clear to her. Some odd smell seemed to be mixed with hers, but before she could pinpoint it Bella caught a glimpse of a shadow moving behind a building.

Bella had no doubts about his identity, but patiently waited for his cohorts to join him. She observed them and tried to discern if they bore any external sign of the evil within. To her surprise, they looked quite average, their faces betraying their youth. For a second she hesitated until one of them threw a lascivious look towards a fearful girl crossing the street. That little gesture sealed their fate. What Bella inflicted upon their bodies was too terrible to contemplate, however what was truly horrifying was their dying expressions.

As if they'd been killed by a demon.


	16. Chapter 16

_Edward_

Bursting through the door, he tore the place apart looking for her despite being fairly obvious she'd left a while ago. Enraged, he made a move for the one who'd patiently observed his frantic search. Dodging his sloppy advance easily, she put some distance between their bodies before piercing him with her gaze. Anguished, Edward tried to knock her down again and again–fighting was easier than dealing with the truth his clever brain had already uncovered. Despite his inability to feel physical exhaustion, Edward was mentally drained. Huddling into a corner he sobbed, yanking at his hair, clawing at his skin, desperate to forget the images he'd seen in her mind.

"Why?"

Smiling placidly, she wondered if she should bother voicing her thoughts. Deciding in favor of using her voice, she used the most docile tone she could muster.

"You mean why I did it or why I chose to show you all that happened?"

"Why did you let it happen in the first place? Why didn't you help her?"

Scoffing at his hypocrisy, she ran through a long list of human faces whose life he'd claimed, lingering on the one who resembled Bella.

"It's not the same! She was brutalized while you watched!"

"How many people could you have saved, Edward? How many murderous plans have you watched unfold in a person's mind before it actually happened? And how many have you prevented?"

Angered, disgusted, overwhelmed by how true all she said was, he simply snarled his rage. Cocking her head, she was loath to admit that she did feel some measure of pity for him. However, the feeling was short lived, for she was soon reminded of how hateful he could be.

"Did you think that destroying her would make me want you? Is that what this is about? Is it?"

Laughing sadly, she shook her head and assaulted him with all the gore images of the night when Bella had been turned.

"Yes, I could have stopped them, but I didn't. I let her human life play out. Maybe I would have helped if she'd been someone else. Maybe not."

Fighting to disguise the part of her that felt sympathy for Bella's plight, Rosalie kept on talking, intent on letting Edward know it all. She wanted to believe she was doing it so that she could finally get justice and move on to better things, but deep down she knew all she truly wanted was to see him hurt.

"There she lay, rapped, hurt and yearning for revenge. So, I turned her and taught her all I know. More than that, dear Edward, I made your sweet little Bella become a carbon copy of me. Bitter, angry and prickly. I twisted your little love and turned her into all you so thoroughly reject."

Repulsed, he was consumed with the need to destroy her, but he needed some answers. Just some more words before he destroyed her.

"Is this all about vanity? Is that it? I offended your pride and for that you make an innocent suffer?"

Provoked beyond endurance, she attacked him. Instead of dodging, he eagerly engaged in combat. The former lovers fought viciously, instinct taking over as they sought a way to dismember the opponent. Eventually, Edward came out the winner, his arm around her neck ready to behead her. But before he could do it, he was compelled to say a few more taunting words.

"It doesn't matter. It will always be her. Never you, Rosalie."

He was ready to proceed when he was assaulted by the most delectable fragrance he'd ever smelled. The minute distraction was enough for Rosalie to escape his hold and disappear, but he no longer cared. Conditioned by years of practice, he turned at a human pace and found her foreign eyes.

"Bella…"


	17. Chapter 17

_Bella & Edward_

The sound of his once cherished voice seemed alien and offensive to Bella. Hissing her discontentment, she moved away from his touch. The urge to run was almost overpowering, for instinct dictated that she should steer clear from other vampires. However, she wasn't purely a primal creature–throughout her transformation the human need to confront had remained intact. Standing tall, for the first time she felt like an equal, confidently gazing at him, convinced that she finally knew the whole truth about her would be love. The face she'd thought perfect, now showed signs of imperfection to her enhanced view. The flutters she'd felt while gazing at him were no longer here, but to her eternal chagrin she still felt love for Edward.

"Bella, I … "

"Is this the part where you confess to lying to me? To keeping me on the dark about what you really are? To being a serial killer? To being a fucking manipulator? To enjoying to play with your meal?"

Despite the physical impossibility of feeling out of breath, she panted, exhausted by hurling all the accusations that had been brewing inside her heart ever since she'd been shown the truth.

"What about Alice? Does she know? Is she just another toy? Or is she like you? Like me?"

Desperate to be heard, Edward screamed an answer to the last part of her tirade. Admitting that he'd fed her yet another lie wasn't easy, but Edward felt that she deserved to know there had never been a competitor for his affections. He was Bella's, only hers. At her shocked expression, Edward tried to explain to her the extent of his feelings for her, to make her understand that she had never been a meal to him.

"So, what set me apart?"

Disconcerted, Edward babbled and tried to evade, but the new Bella didn't let him get away with that. Finally, he was forced to explain about his special gift of mind reading and how it didn't work on her. Minutes stretched without sound or movement, Bella's pensive expression making Edward antsy and quite afraid. He ran through the things he'd said trying to figure out if they had been enough to convey that she wasn't merely a reprieve from the everlasting voices in his head, even though that being a bonus.

"Why do you eat people?"

Jolted out of his reverie, Edward was unprepared for the question she'd made. Among all the things they needed to discuss, all the confessions he still needed to make, it was just like Bella to dwell on the most insignificant matter. Deciding to indulge her for a little while, he delved into a detailed speech about the nutritional value of human blood versus animal blood. When she said nothing, he shook his head in dismay.

"I will show you how to do it, love."

Scoffing, she turned mocking eyes on him. A biting response was on the tip of her tongue, but she decided against it. Instead, she took a long look at the man she'd thought was her forever. Bella was cured from the selective blindness which had affected her when it came down to Edward. She was now presented not only with the flaws in his appearance, but also with the ones in his character. Condescending, manipulative, childish and selfish were just a few of the words which applied to him. She needed to ask herself some profound questions–when the notion of forever was redefined to her maybe the very concept of love also had.

However troubled Bella's mind and heart were her body had other ideas. Her newborn skin reacted to the proximity of an attractive male, her very core yearning to be filled and satisfied. Rendered powerless by desire, she threw caution to the wind and herself on his arms.


	18. Chapter 18

_Bella & Edward_

There was no rational thought involved in what followed. Years of unconsumed love burst to the surface, the violence of their hunger leaving no space for tenderness. Clothes were tore and skins scratched in their haste, instinct overpowering all that was left unsaid. For a moment Edward thought about declining what Bella so eagerly offered–the gentleman within was recalcitrant about taking advantage of the woman he loved. Given his own experience as a newborn, Edward knew that right now Bella was purely a creature of impulse–feed, defend and mate were the needs guiding her every action. He didn't want his beloved to regret what was to be a beautiful moment between them, but Edward was also a man… a man who'd lusted after Bella for years. Selfishly taking what he wanted and disregarding the consequences, Edward embraced the moment.

There was a certain sadness in consuming the man she loved in such haste. The thought would have given Bella pause, but she was beyond stopping herself. Though she now understood why he'd always treated her like a porcelain doll, her frustration with his behavior had her throwing him around, clawing at his skin, yanking his hair–a woman proud of her newfound strength. Physically she was certain of her actions, but she was emotionally torn about what was happening, therefore she made a conscious decision to preserve at least a part of herself out of the equation. There was a measure of satisfaction in denying him her kisses, in taking his body while refusing his heart. It was petty, but Bella no longer cared about being a good person–now she fully embraced her identity as a thing of the dark.

In the aftermath of their tainted, yet satisfying, coupling they lay by side, a sense of loss lingering in the air–the result of their encounter an amalgam of awkwardness and regret. Lying on her side, Bella turned her back to Edward. Venom filled her eyes as she recalled how her human self had dreamed of the day when she would share such an intimate experience with Edward. Lost in the painful thought assaulting her mind she was startled by the harshness in his voice.

"Sort of hypocritical, aren't you? Calling me a serial killer when you reek of death."

Turning towards him she found her eyes locked in a gaze filled with undisguised hatred. Shocked into silence, she could only watch as an array of indefinable emotions showed on his face. Compelled by the need to assuage his turmoil she whispered an apology. Edward knew he was using her as a punch bag for all of his self-loathing, but he couldn't stop himself. He needed a reason, no matter how flimsy, to walk away from what had become an impossible situation. The woman beside him seemed so unfamiliar, so far from the blushing girl he'd loved with all his heart. She'd become a ruthless creature of the night, mrked by violence–a soulless being. Pain twisted his heart and Edward could no longer cope. He needed time. He needed space. So, he got up and left.

Grasping at the shreds of her clothes she sobbed until numbness descended. Getting up from the floor, she went to the mirror and gazed at her reflection. Staring back was the girl who'd relished every single compliment _he_ had given her. Disgusted by her reflection, she cut her long hair in a modern style, layered, something _he_ would have hated. She also changed the color from brown to blond. When she was done, she gazed at her reflection and promised herself she'd stop loving Edward.

But not all promises are to be kept, whispered a little voice in the back of her mind.

 _He_ had said _forever._

It seemed like _forever_ had come to an end.


	19. Chapter 19

_Epilogue 1 - Edward_

She looked exactly how he'd pictured in the unassuming white dress and the discreet hairdo. She wasn't a beauty by any means, but pleasant enough to elicit a response from him. Looking into her eyes, he found unbridled adoration which he found befitting of the moment they were sharing. As the few guests threw rice over them, he guided her out of the church towards the waiting car. Uncertainty tried to rear its ugly head, but he reassured himself that he was content, if not happy … that she would make a great companion for a lifetime, if not forever. Images of how he would love and cherish his new bride until the end of her days filled his mind. Yes, he would hold her hand in her dying moment and make sure she knew she was loved.

However, not even the veneer of love he'd downed could cover the outrage of the primal being within. Trading forever for a lifetime was a poor life decision, despite all the reasons Edward invented to justify his actions. The heart doesn't long for the transient, it always yearns for forever. A faint fragrance reawakened the memory of _her_ perfume making his body vibrate with the need to seek _her_ out while his heart bled with the deepest kind of love, the one that would be forever _hers_ and no one else's. But Edward reigned in his impulses and kissed his bride's face.

For some unfathomable reason, Edward was assaulted with the memory of reading a book for _her_. The book was long gone, lost in the haze of the decades that followed their breakup, but the last poem he'd read was never forgotten. Almost against his will, his lips whispered the verses …

" _I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, …"_


	20. Chapter 20

_Epilogue 2 - Bella_

The melancholic dance of the autumn leaves exacerbated the forlorn longing within Bella's heart. Prowling the city streets, she was oblivious to the admiring glances thrown her way. Pushing her blond hair away from her face, Bella tried to deny all that was troubling her. Concentrating on the hard task of emulating a young woman, she succeeded in keeping the memories at bay, but not for long. Soon she found herself at _his_ wedding, once again watching _his_ life unfold from afar. The years she'd spent far away, looking for a place to call home and a man to call love had proved fruitless, for she ended up where she'd begun still suffering for the same _man_.

Sometimes she wondered if the very circumstances of her changing were keeping her from moving on. Maybe it wasn't just her body that was frozen in time, maybe so was her heart. She'd died trapped in a position of unrequited love and maybe that's how she would spend her eternity. All those musings led to the question of _his_ heart. Did _he_ die as a selfish teenager? As a boy constricted by the morals of _his_ time? She would never know, but she would always wonder. The sounds of joy coming from the guests brought her back to the present and the heartbreaking scene she was witnessing.

For years, she'd managed to avoid detection while still keeping track of _him_. However, that evening something reckless and desperate had her coming too close, almost as if she wanted to be seen. A slight twitch of _his_ nose had her believing that maybe _he_ 'd smelled her, or maybe sensed her, but she was bound to be disappointed. The sight of _him_ kissing another was too much, so she turned her back and started to walk away. But _his_ low voice reached her ears and Bella held the cherished poetry book she always carried closer to her heart as she completed the stanza …

" … _in secret, between the shadow and the soul."_

And she smiled.

* * *

And this is the end. How did you like my first vamp story?


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